Update on Book

Hey everyone,

People have been asking me about the progress of my book, The Positive Side of What No One Knows, Turning a Tragic Past into a Positive Future. I took some time off for a number of things. As some of you know, I went back to school and that has been keeping me busy, especially this semester. Another reason is I have been doing some self evaluations in my life. There have been a few things that had to be dealt with so I put the book on hold. I plan to start working on the book again on a regular basis within the next week.

Sometimes, when you work on a project like this, certain emotions come up that you feel you dealt with until something else in your life happens and you sit back and realize that there are still little triggers that you didn't know still existed. There are times when you believe you have a handle on situations because you worked through certain emotions and felt awesome because you finally put everything behind you. Then you hear something and you begin to look back at your life and you see things in a different light and you realize that maybe you only put the majority of the past behind you. You begin to realize that there were still a few loose strings to tie up.

I have come to terms with those loose strings and tied them up. Even though I have moved on, there are always the memories. I refuse to let those of my past control how I live my future. I will continue to help those in need. I will continue to help people and if telling my stories help others then that's what I will do, no matter what. It's a healing road for everyone and it's one I'm willing to continue to travel in order to bring others to a more positive place in their life and to continue to show them that you can always turn a tragic past into a positive future.

Whatever Happened To Mankind

When you look at recent events like the senseless killings in this world, it makes one question mankind. 

Inspiration From an Unlikely Source

In 2010, I was working at a condo complex and met a woman that lived in one of the units. One day she was at the pool talking with me and my nephew was there to bring me lunch. When she met him, she thought he was a very smart and well mannered young man. I admit that he was at the moment but he was a teenager and we started talking. He was going through a lot and was beginning to act out more then just teenage boy stuff. She informed me that she worked at San Quentin State Prison and they had a program that may help him. It is called S.Q.U.I.R.E.S.

S.Q.U.I.R.E.S stands for, San Quentin Utilization of Inmate Resources Experiences and Studies. The program is meant to deter teen boys from making negative decisions in their lives that could result in them being sent to jail, San Quentin itself, or worse, dead. Here the juveniles come into contact with inmates who have gone through many years of self evaluation, a screening process in which they must prove themselves, and is approved to be in the program. You can not just wake up and decide that you want to be in the S.Q.U.I.R.E.S program. The inmates bring their stories, experiences, lessons learned, and much more to the program. They all come from different cultural and environmental backgrounds. They have become mentors, motivators, and in most cases someone the teens feel they can open to and feel comfortable telling their stories.

Some may ask, "What makes the teens open up to strangers who are murders, robbers, gang members, drug addicts, and even those caught up in California's Third Strike Law." In my opinion, I believe the teens find it easier to open up to the inmates because these guys have been there. They know what it's like to be in the shoes of these teens. Most of the young teens don't have positive male role models in their lives and they can relate to the inmates. The lies they tell and the negative roles they take in life, the inmates have lived and then some. They are not some therapist that sits behind a desk and ask," How does that make you feel?" The teens can physically see what can happen to them should they continue to make the wrong choices in life. The inmates have taken years to come to terms with what they did in their lives and realize how their actions have affected their loved ones. They have chosen to help keep teens from sitting in their seats and sleeping in their cells. They keep working at the teens and eventually the teens open up and give in to the fact the inmates really do know how they feel. They work with the teens to realize all of the anger they try to keep bottled inside is only a secondary emotion to how they truly feel.

At 19 years old I was watching t.v. and I heard someone say you need to forgive those who have done you wrong. Forgive them, not for them but for you. That really made me sit back and think of everybody who has ever committed a negative act against me and the anger, hate, and resentment I had been holding against them. I started to change my way of thinking and let myself release all of the negative emotions through different modalities. Although, I had changed my way of thinking and was working on a new me, I didn't realize there were things I wasn't addressing. I thought I figured it all out. It wasn't until I first came to the S.Q.U.I.R.E.S program, I was listening to the different inmates and I heard each inmate say different quotes that I could apply to different aspects of my life but there were two that really made me sit back and think. One in particular just put everything in perspective.

One inmate by the name of, David Monroe has coined the term, "Hurt People, Hurt People." When he first asks teens what that means, most of the teens didn't know what exactly he meant. Most of the adults didn't either. David goes into detail and explains what it is that he means. Anger is a coping mechanism to deal with the hurt and could lead to acting out, violent behavior, drug abuse, and many other negative influences in your life. I know this from personal experiences.

I realized that all of the anger that I had in me years ago was really the hurt I had against certain people for different reasons. People could have changed events in my life. I was hurt and then angry at myself for for not being strong enough to do more to change different negative events in my life, even knowing now that there was nothing I could have done at the time. When I was done crying, the hurt turned to anger which then turned to hate and over the years, it build up until two particular events in my life when I was younger could have landed me in prison. (those stories for another time but the other quote I learned in S.Q.U.I.R.E.S relates to those events)

Now I live my life and help others stay positive. I am now happy and although I have learned to release the anger, my stories are still my stories and I still had to live through some very tough events that no person should ever have to go through. I am currently writing a book to tell part of my story. Telling my stories, even if helping one person, will make it all worth it. Sometimes it still bothers me to tell certain parts of my stories but it's a healing process for everyone and something I have to do. I am happy to let others know they are not alone and for that, I can relate to the inmates of the S.Q.U.I.R.E.S program.

Attached is a blog that David wrote titled, "Hurt People, Hurt People, So Help Hurt People Heal." Please read it as it will help give you some insight as to what goes though someone's mind when they are hurting.

http://thedailylove.com/hurt-people-hurt-people-so-help-hurt-people-heal/

I am a woman who visits an all male prison and started so in order to help out a family member. Now I get to help him and every time I go, I learn something new about myself as well. Sometimes, you just never know where you will get your inspiration.

Stacy Lupinacci
3/18/2012