Why does love hurt? Who ever said love was easy? Who said that you could go through life and experience relationships as if everything is always happy and exciting? Is it even healthy to be in a relationship where you never fight? Is there ever such a thing? When do you call it quits? When is it too late to turn back? What makes it hard to turn away from the emotions that connects us to another? Is it the emotion we are turning from or the person? What makes people that are or were once so in love and drawn to each other not work out?
Loving someone is a magnificent feeling. Love is a force that many can't fight. Love is like any addiction. Actually, it is one. When you meet someone and you feel like you know that person, it's like you have known that person all of your life. It's a great feeling when you “click” right from the very beginning.
You meet them. You start talking on the phone. You go places and spend time with that person. You get to know them on a more personal level. Before you know it, you start dating. As these events are taking place, your feelings for this person is growing and becoming much stronger on an emotional level. Time goes by and the thought of marriage and children come up. You move forward and enjoy life. As with any relationship there are ups and downs, good times as well as some not so good times. As time goes on, you notice you are becoming more and more distant with your partner. You start to talk about how you both are feeling, but over time those talks become arguments and sometimes the arguments become fights. The kids are caught in the middle because now they are witnessing this and they are becoming emotionally confused.
Now they are forced to choose between both of their parents who both love them very much but are becoming to hate each other. Never should your children be placed in that situation. Never use your children as a pawn against your spouse or significant other. If your partner and you are not able to remain peaceful, then it is time to move a part, but your children should never feel the negative aspect of the separation. Never should you talk down about the other parent or disrespect them in front of your children.
The best advise I can give is this; when you talk about the other parent in a derogatory way, especially if the words you speak or false and you are wrong, it will come back to you. Never be the reason your children does not have contact with their co-parent. When you prevent your children from having contact with their co-parent out of spite, the “I'll show you” syndrome, or payback, the events will always come out to the children on day and then you will be the bad guy. The only thing your children need to know is that both parents love them very much, but they can no longer live together. Never lie to them because in the end, they will come to resent you. It doesn't make you a bad parent, but it makes your action seem horrendous and uncalled for.
Show your children that there are more mature ways to deal with the separation of a couple, than being vindictive, spiteful, hurtful, and fighting all of the time. When you act of negative emotions, you start to act and say things in an irrational matter. Sometimes out emotions are and can be the worse of us when we hurt.
No matter why you and your partner have decided to go your separate ways, keep it civil. Your way of handling the stress of a separation brings is more important to your children's perception of life then you think. You don't have to choose to act in a negative manner. No matter how the other person reacts. Always be the bigger person if for nothing else, your children's emotional well being.
If you are on the receiving end of a separation, it can be hurtful to a point that you feel you need to act out, but know that you acting immature will not help you or your children. Getting mad and irrational will do much more harm to you and your children as if you were to just let things ride out and they will and deal with it with respect for yourself and your children. You're children need you more then they need anything else when a family prepares to divide. They need to know that both of their parents love them unconditionally and if that means you as the parent have to sacrifice to be happy then so be it. Remember, YOU as the parent must sacrifice. Not the children.
When you love with pure intention and something like a separation happens, it can hurt down to the core of your soul. Know that everything works out and this is nothing but one of life's tests and you will also conquer this. We have too hurt in order to learn and spiritually advance. We are shown the bigger picture at the end. We may or may not it at the time, but this is the case. It is a learning lesson for everyone involved.
If you are in a situation where you are being kept from visiting your children out of spite and hate instead of anything legal and valid, know it is not your fault but you also have legal rights. Now if you are being kept away for physical and/or mental abuse, then know that you have to look within you to find the will to change and then, and only then, can you come to come sort of conclusion.
If your right to your children are not of your own doing, keep a journal of every time you have contact with your ex or attempt to contact your children. When you purchase something for them, you keep the original receipt and give them gift receipts. Pray that they know how much you love then and that your ex and yourself can come to a truce. Never wish bad on any one for anything. No matter how bad the breakup is. Karma is nothing but life's experiences and what you put out, you will receive three fold.
Work through your emotions. Never just jump into another relationship. When you are still emotionally attached to someone, it is not emotionally healthy for you to attempt at another relationship. The emotions can be confusing and you are not honestly capable of giving that person 100% chance of what they deserve from you. If you can not give someone 100% of what they deserve because of your past, you need to work on releasing the emotional impact of that previous relationship. It is not always easy, but it is not fair to you or the new person. It's also not fair to your children.
Be happy and love yourself. Build yourself up to be the strong, independent person you need to be for you and your children. You all deserve a positive outlook to a sometimes dark experience. Namaste
Stacy Lupinacci
December 14, 2009
Loving someone is a magnificent feeling. Love is a force that many can't fight. Love is like any addiction. Actually, it is one. When you meet someone and you feel like you know that person, it's like you have known that person all of your life. It's a great feeling when you “click” right from the very beginning.
You meet them. You start talking on the phone. You go places and spend time with that person. You get to know them on a more personal level. Before you know it, you start dating. As these events are taking place, your feelings for this person is growing and becoming much stronger on an emotional level. Time goes by and the thought of marriage and children come up. You move forward and enjoy life. As with any relationship there are ups and downs, good times as well as some not so good times. As time goes on, you notice you are becoming more and more distant with your partner. You start to talk about how you both are feeling, but over time those talks become arguments and sometimes the arguments become fights. The kids are caught in the middle because now they are witnessing this and they are becoming emotionally confused.
Now they are forced to choose between both of their parents who both love them very much but are becoming to hate each other. Never should your children be placed in that situation. Never use your children as a pawn against your spouse or significant other. If your partner and you are not able to remain peaceful, then it is time to move a part, but your children should never feel the negative aspect of the separation. Never should you talk down about the other parent or disrespect them in front of your children.
The best advise I can give is this; when you talk about the other parent in a derogatory way, especially if the words you speak or false and you are wrong, it will come back to you. Never be the reason your children does not have contact with their co-parent. When you prevent your children from having contact with their co-parent out of spite, the “I'll show you” syndrome, or payback, the events will always come out to the children on day and then you will be the bad guy. The only thing your children need to know is that both parents love them very much, but they can no longer live together. Never lie to them because in the end, they will come to resent you. It doesn't make you a bad parent, but it makes your action seem horrendous and uncalled for.
Show your children that there are more mature ways to deal with the separation of a couple, than being vindictive, spiteful, hurtful, and fighting all of the time. When you act of negative emotions, you start to act and say things in an irrational matter. Sometimes out emotions are and can be the worse of us when we hurt.
No matter why you and your partner have decided to go your separate ways, keep it civil. Your way of handling the stress of a separation brings is more important to your children's perception of life then you think. You don't have to choose to act in a negative manner. No matter how the other person reacts. Always be the bigger person if for nothing else, your children's emotional well being.
If you are on the receiving end of a separation, it can be hurtful to a point that you feel you need to act out, but know that you acting immature will not help you or your children. Getting mad and irrational will do much more harm to you and your children as if you were to just let things ride out and they will and deal with it with respect for yourself and your children. You're children need you more then they need anything else when a family prepares to divide. They need to know that both of their parents love them unconditionally and if that means you as the parent have to sacrifice to be happy then so be it. Remember, YOU as the parent must sacrifice. Not the children.
When you love with pure intention and something like a separation happens, it can hurt down to the core of your soul. Know that everything works out and this is nothing but one of life's tests and you will also conquer this. We have too hurt in order to learn and spiritually advance. We are shown the bigger picture at the end. We may or may not it at the time, but this is the case. It is a learning lesson for everyone involved.
If you are in a situation where you are being kept from visiting your children out of spite and hate instead of anything legal and valid, know it is not your fault but you also have legal rights. Now if you are being kept away for physical and/or mental abuse, then know that you have to look within you to find the will to change and then, and only then, can you come to come sort of conclusion.
If your right to your children are not of your own doing, keep a journal of every time you have contact with your ex or attempt to contact your children. When you purchase something for them, you keep the original receipt and give them gift receipts. Pray that they know how much you love then and that your ex and yourself can come to a truce. Never wish bad on any one for anything. No matter how bad the breakup is. Karma is nothing but life's experiences and what you put out, you will receive three fold.
Work through your emotions. Never just jump into another relationship. When you are still emotionally attached to someone, it is not emotionally healthy for you to attempt at another relationship. The emotions can be confusing and you are not honestly capable of giving that person 100% chance of what they deserve from you. If you can not give someone 100% of what they deserve because of your past, you need to work on releasing the emotional impact of that previous relationship. It is not always easy, but it is not fair to you or the new person. It's also not fair to your children.
Be happy and love yourself. Build yourself up to be the strong, independent person you need to be for you and your children. You all deserve a positive outlook to a sometimes dark experience. Namaste
Stacy Lupinacci
December 14, 2009
© Copyright 2009 Stacy_Lupinacci (UN: stacylupinacci at Writing.Com). All rights reserved.
Stacy_Lupinacci has granted Writing.Com, its affiliates and syndicates non-exclusive rights to display this work.
No comments:
Post a Comment